I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
