Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
