I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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