Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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