census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
