My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
