Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize