just tell him i said nine months
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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