I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Enjoy the penises
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
