Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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