At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
