Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
