when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
