My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
