I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
