Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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