well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
