awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
