I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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