everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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