I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dick very happy bro
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
