my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
