i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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