and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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