Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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