when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
