Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
