Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
