worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
