How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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