More tranny stories later!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
