If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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