I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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