Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
