Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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