I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
