her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize