Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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