you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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