I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
