I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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