planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
