He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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