We're facebook friends in real life
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
