Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my sisters under your porch take her home
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
