Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
