Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
