i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
