take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
