There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
