I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
