Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
