the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
