All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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