My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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