i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
