I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
