He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
