smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
