I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
