i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
