Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
