Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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