So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize