I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
