Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize