So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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