Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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