Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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